


Take The Stage (And Deliver)

by fiveisarat



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Awkwardness, Everyone Is Gay, Flirty Victor Zsasz, Gay, It shows, Long-Suffering Jim Gordon, M/M, Nervous alvarez, Oh My God, POV Third Person, Pre-Relationship, Season 1, Strip Search, Suggestive Themes, alvarez is flustered, alvarez pov, alvarez x victor, dangerous woman - ariana grande references, its just rlly gay, let's do this, season 5, season 5 x04, victor being thirsty, zsasz is just confusing sometimes, zsasz likes pop, zsaszvarez
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:48:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26733871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveisarat/pseuds/fiveisarat
Summary: "You guys wanna do a strip search? I'd let Alvarez do it. He's handsome."Or, Victor is brought in to the GCPD for an interrogation and a strip search, and Alvarez doesn't know how to react.
Relationships: Alvarez/Victor Zsasz, Victor Zsasz & Alvarez, Victor Zsasz/Carlos Alvarez
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16





	Take The Stage (And Deliver)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [owlettica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlettica/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Chorizo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17919542) by [owlettica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlettica/pseuds/owlettica). 



> this fic is dedicated to the amazing owlettica, who wrote the Zsasz/Alvarez fic that inspired this one! it was amazing!! this is essentially the self-indulgent strip-search scene we DESERVED that i wrote to help fill the Zsaszvarez void. 
> 
> title comes from the panic! at the disco song Mercenary (which coincidentally is from the batman: arkham city soundtrack)

Well, well, well. He has returned. 

_Of course he did,_ Alvarez thinks- the man has his own section of the Narrows, for Christ's sake. Penguin and the GCPD both figure he was the guy to blow up Haven, and it's almost a sure thing. Right now he's up in the old brick building, holding a machine gun and calling down to them. 

"Pretty cozy up here, thanks guys," he says, completely out of sight. Alvarez's hand goes to his gun, but he doesn't pull it out. It's silent for a few moments- he looks over at Penguin, who looks like he's about to have an aneurysm. He says something to Gordon, who yells up to the window-

"Zsasz?" 

Victor Zsasz. A character. Alvarez had first seen him years back, when he'd busted down the door of GCPD Headquarters to kill Jim Gordon on Falcone's orders. He'd stalked in, knocked on his desk (not even that hard, but everyone had heard it nonetheless and went still, and that was sort of the point), and demanded to see the rookie cop. 

He remembers it, vividly.

»»————- ★ ————-««

_He had looked up from his file and seen the other man- Zsasz hadn't even looked down at him and yet he felt bare, exposed. The hitman stalked though the rows of desks, smiling at some people, that smile dropping seconds later and then resurfacing again. He'd had to look away. There was power and confidence in how that man walked. His sidekicks (The Girls, his mind supplied) were just as badass, in black fishnets, skirts, crazy hair and and garters. They were attractive- if you went for killers in black leather, which Alvarez had a creeping suspicion he did- but they simply didn't measure up to Zsasz himself. There surely went his reputation as the resident nice, straight guy._

_Zsasz had looked around, not seeing whoever it was he'd been looking for (Jim). He stepped up on a desk just a few feet from Alvarez, and looked right down at him. Now Alvarez, as a cop, had had criminals looking at him before. But the stare Victor (hey, **hey** , when did he become Victor in his head?) had given him made his skin crawl in a frighteningly pleasant way. _

_But it only lasted for a moment, the whole of the GCPD watching, and the assassin reached up to grasp at his lapels before speaking. And apparently nobody had noticed Alvarez's almost-breakdown over the sheer attractiveness of the killer standing on a desk in front of them._

_"Hello, everyone." He looked around, starting to smile. "My name is Victor Zsasz."_

_Alvarez had heard of him- he worked for Don Falcone, one of the two major crime bosses in Gotham. The stories about his "tallies" were legendary- for every person he killed, he used a boxcutter to cut a tally mark into his skin. He was a killer with no remorse. He was dangerous. And he was standing in HQ with nobody making a move to stop him._

_"I'm sent here personally, by Don Carmine Falcone, on a matter of deep concern to him, so please be respectful." He paused, surveying the crowd. As if anyone would try and stop him. As if anyone would disrespect him. Moving his hands from his lapels, he said, "I'm here for Jim Gordon." Another pause. "Just him. Everyone else, mind your business, and we're cool." He looked down at a new cop standing by the desk. "So. Where's Jim at?"_

_Every cop in the place, including Alvarez, turned to look towards the Captain's office, where Essen and Gordon stood inside._

_"Thank you," Zsasz said, voice soft, quieter. If Alvarez wasn't practically rooted to the spot with a mixture of fear and maybe arousal, he would have shuddered a little at his tone._

_"Hey, Jim!" The assassin's expression shifted rapidly. His voice was loud, almost a snarl. When he was met with silence, he called, "Jim," drawing out the vowel in the rookie's name. A moment later, Gordon came out of Essen's office._

_"Hi, Jim," his tone had shifted back to being friendly- or as friendly as you could get as a killer. He waved. "Relax. I'm supposed to bring you in alive. Don Falcone wants to talk."_

_"Tell Falcone we'll talk. But not today." Jim said firmly._

_"Don't... be that way!" Zsasz said. "'Alive' is a very broad category. A man with no hands can still be alive."_

_This time Alvarez really did shudder, shocked at his own reactions to this exchange._

_"There are fifty cops in here. Try something." Gordon said. Was he brave, or just stupid? No one in here would help him. A sad truth. But a fact all the same._

_Keeping eye contact with Gordon, Zsasz said in a low voice, "Everybody out."_

_Nobody moved. He looked around._

_"Please?!" he snarled, voice sharp and loud. Alvarez started, and moved out of the room with all the other cops. He heard gunshots just moments later. A thought flashed through his head- I hope it wasn't him._

»»————- ★ ————-««

The sound of a gunshot pierces through his reverie, bringing him back to the present. He looks up at Zsasz in the window. He makes an absolutely absurd kissy face in the air and grins, the smug bastard. There's suddenly another gunshot and Alvarez reaches for his own machine gun stowed in the cop car he'd rolled up in. He aims, but doesn't fire. He pointedly ignores how his head won't clear, filled with thoughts of Victor Zsasz, and his lips and his goddamn- _no._

"I did not make that building go boom, Jim," he calls down. 

"Oh, _please_!" Penguin rears up and shouts, "You gave up any shred of honor long ago! Why should we believe a snake like you?" 

"Uh, because I would never take credit for somebody else's _work_?" Zsasz returns, sounding genuinely offended at the end. It almost makes Alvarez laugh. 

"Oh, no, you'd just betray anyone and everyone for the right price!" Penguin yells, his face going slightly red. 

"Is this about Sofia Falcone? Because you should really move past that. It's not healthy." He raises his gun and fires, the bullet sticking square in the forehead of an old poster from Penguin's mayoral race. Alvarez looks up and sees Zsasz's smile, his smile and the slight lip bite he's got going on. Oh god. He's going to be walking into the station with a boner and it is going to _suck_. 

"Guys, guys! Gather around," one of Penguin's guys shouts, and he guesses that the plan is to distract Zsasz enough to get Gordon into the building. Sure enough, he's right, because Gordon shouts-

"Now!" and runs at breakneck speed towards the entrance.

"Fire!" Penguin shouts. Alvarez shakes his head to clear his thoughts and starts firing on the window. He runs out of bullets about forty-five seconds in (seriously, who _loaded_ this thing?) and pulls his handgun, firing repeatedly at the window and the bricks surrounding it. 

"Keep it coming!" Penguin calls, pulling his own gun. When Penguin yells for a cease-fire he pulls the gun back and slides down the closed car door for cover. He sees Zsasz in the window again, with the gun, and then he's gone.

_Gordon._

It _is_ him. Jim Gordon walks out a smiling Zsasz from the building, hands cuffed behind his back. Cops and Penguin's men alike clap as he's escorted out. 

"Thank you, thank you," Zsasz calls, clapping as much as he can with both hands cuffed. He points at a group of cops, "You were great. Glad there's no hard feelings," he says to Bullock, who grabs his other arm and starts pulling him away.

"Day's not over yet," he says. "Come on." 

»»————- ★ ————-««

Alvarez sighs, throwing the guns in the backseat and getting back in the car. They drive back to Headquarters, where Zsasz is going to be interrogated. He rests his head against the headrest and stares out the window the whole way back. How is that man so attractive from three stories up? And then even more so on the ground? He needs to get it together. At least he won't be interacting with Zsasz at the station. It'll be incredibly embarrassing if he gets all sorts of flustered and starts stuttering (nervous habit) around the charismatic killer. 

Once they get back to HQ, Gordon and Bullock take Zsasz into the interrogation room, and Alvarez sits at his desk. He notices the new paperwork on his desk and pulls a pen from the cup on his desk. After a few minutes, the thoughts of Zsasz just forty, fifty feet away, disappear and he's back to his usual, efficient self. 

A rookie taps on his desk and hands him a walkie. 

"Hello," he says quickly, and it's Lucius Fox's voice that greets him in return. 

"Hey, Alvarez. Can you get Jim for me?" 

"Sure," he replies, and stands, making his way to where Gordon and Bullock are interrogating Zsasz. He opens the door- thank god the assassin isn't facing him- and extends the device. "Cap, got Lucius on the horn for you," he says, and curses himself for his poor choice of words. He sounds like a dolt. 

With a last look at Zsasz, Gordon nods and takes it, walking out of the room. Alvarez reaches for the handle and pulls the door shut, but not before hearing, slightly- 

"I'd let Alvarez do it." 

He stops, tenses, not sure what to think. 

"He's handsome," comes the follow-up, quieter this time, so that the detective has to strain to hear it. He forces himself back to his desk, but it isn't long before Bullock is walking out, face grim. 

"We're doin' a strip search on 'im," the older man says, no preamble whatsoever. "Can you keep an eye on him, take him to processing while I figure out who's doing it?" 

"Sure thing," he nods, standing up. 

"Good _luck_ ," Harvey says, a scoff in his voice. It's clear he doesn't think much of the killer in the other room. 

_I'll need it,_ Alvarez thinks as he walks over to the interrogation room. He's nervous- and he can't pinpoint exactly why. He pauses, takes a breath, and twists the knob, and opens the door. _You've done this a million times before. Nothing to it._

Zsasz tips his head back, looking at him. A broad smile crosses his face, and Alvarez almost blushes. He crosses the room to lean against the back wall, watching Zsasz carefully. 

"Sent you to keep an eye on me, huh?" the hitman says. He kicks his feet up onto the table, sliding down in his seat. "Well, I'm not going anywhere," he rattles the handcuffs. Alvarez doesn't respond, doesn't know how to, and there's silence, until Zsasz starts... humming? 

It's a song Alvarez is 90% sure he's heard on the radio before. He looks up, and Zsasz is grinning widely, one brow arched. He ducks his head, still smiling, and it's almost too low for the detective to hear. But he keeps humming anyway, and Alvarez lets him.

But he barely finishes, because the door bangs open- Bullock. Alvarez startles, but Zsasz doesn't seem to even be surprised. 

"Alright. You're on search duty, Alvarez," he says. He turns to Zsasz, "Don't give him trouble." 

"Why would I do something like that?" Zsasz quips. Bullock rolls his eyes and leaves the room, but not before mouthing _sorry_ over Zsasz's head at him. Alvarez just nods and walks over to the criminal, lifting him out of his seat. Zsasz gets up, and he maneuvers so that the detective can follow him out. There's no smartass remark, the hitman just turns his head, standing in the doorway and raises his eyebrows, his tongue flicking out to lick his bottom lip quickly. Alvarez nudges him gently, shoulder pressing against shoulder for a split second. Zsasz starts walking, Alvarez holding his cuffed wrists together behind him. As they walk to processing, the lawman moves to walk beside the killer, fingers still curled around his wrists. 

"You know, I kinda got a thing for handcuffs," the assassin says, tilting his head up to grin at the detective and rattling the cuffs. "Has to be the right person, though. Gotta have... _experience._ " 

"Uh huh," and Alvarez forces his tone to stay carefully neutral, almost bored. Zsasz's answering smile is bright, like he knows what Alvarez's thinking. As they reach processing, Alvarez puts him in a chair while he fills out the paperwork for the search. 

"Not married, huh?" Zsasz inquires about a minute later. 

"No," he says, keeping his eyes on the paper. 

"Got a girlfriend?" 

This time Alvarez really does look up, but Zsasz's face is the picture of innocent curiosity. 

"None of your business, Zsasz." He doesn't look back down, keeps eye contact with the criminal. He's pretty sure his voice cracks in there somewhere but he _really_ does not want to think about it. 

"So... no," Zsasz guesses, and guesses correctly. "Man. If I was your girlfriend I wouldn't let you outta my sight," and he says it like _that's a totally normal thing to say._ To a cop, no less. It's almost wistful. And Alvarez's mind goes just about blank. His pants feel a lot tighter than they did five seconds ago. _Get it together, Alvarez. You're supposed to be a professional._

»»————- ★ ————-««

"Alright, Alvarez, you're good," calls another cop, leading someone out of a search room. He nods to them, getting up and pulling Zsasz out of his chair, walking him into the room. He closes the door behind them and lets Zsasz go to stand in front of him. He walks behind the hitman and uncuffs him, clipping the metal to his belt.

"Boots," he says, continuing to watch his tone. Zsasz goes down to one knee and starts undoing his laces, but he's looking up at Alvarez as he does it, smirking the whole time. "Socks too," he says when the assassin's got both boots off. He flashes a grin up at the detective, a strange mix of innocence and devious charm. Zsasz hands them over, and Alvarez looks them over quickly before putting them on a nearby table. 

"Jacket," he continues, and Zsasz sheds the article of clothing and offers it to Alvarez, grinning broadly the whole time. Alvarez isn't sure whether to feel self-conscious or just dissolve into a blushy mess. Does that count as self-consciousness too? _Stop, get it together. You're a cop, a full grown man, not a flustered schoolgirl. Calm down._

"I gotta admire your balls, detective," Zsasz says. The detective fights the blush rising in his cheeks and surely spreading down his neck. "Going in without backup," he adds.

"Maybe later," Alvarez mutters, knowing he's just encouraging Zsasz's behavior. "Shirt." 

The assassin snorts and starts to unbutton his shirt (as slowly as humanly possible). Alvarez just crosses his arms and watches. His shirt falls open, revealing his pale skin and tally marks, not to mention his muscled chest and arms. Alvarez has to look away to get a grip. Is it possible for the ground to just swallow him where he stands?

All of the buttons are undone except the last one, which is still buttoned. When Zsasz makes no move to undo it, Alvarez stares pointedly at it, then back up at the hitman, and then back. 

"You mind helping me out? It's a tough one." 

It's the most bullshit thing Alvarez has ever heard, and he's been at this for years now. He arches an eyebrow out of just surprise. But Zsasz just shrugs, and Alvarez decides to just speed this up. He takes two steps to stand in front of Zsasz, and looks him dead in the eye as he quickly undoes the last button. He's close, he's close enough to feel the assassin's body heat. Which means he's _too_ close. 

He steps back and lets Zsasz take off his shirt, grinning like he's won the lottery. He hands it to Alvarez, who takes it, gives it a once-over, and places it on the table too. 

"Pants," he instructs, and Zsasz's smile gets wider. He makes almost a _show_ of pushing his jeans down his legs, wriggling a little. He lifts one foot, then the other to get them off. 

Alvarez looks away to try and think away the stirring in his pants. Seriously, is he this desperate? What is wrong with him? When he looks back, the hitman is leaning against the wall, thumbs hooked in his boxer briefs. The pressure drags the cloth down his body, and it rests just below his hipbones. Alvarez almost gives himself a heart attack. Nobody's _hips_ should look that indecent. He also notices right away the waistband of the briefs- it reads _LUCKY YOU_ in yellow, bright yellow. Zsasz must catch him looking, because his smile is wolfish as he slowly, ever so slowly, drags the cloth down his legs. It should not look as hot as it does. Zsasz hands Alvarez the briefs, and Alvarez, becoming increasingly embarrassed, examines them quickly and puts them down. 

It's then that he really notices- Zsasz has no hair, point blank _period_. Anywhere. He doesn't know why he's surprised- but then, he wasn't exactly walking into work today with the thought that he'd be getting an eyeful of Victor Zsasz's dick later. 

"Next?" Zsasz asks, grinning. 

Alvarez has to get out of this room. He's sure he's at least half hard by now, and if he stops thinking of specifically _un_ -sexy things (blood, guts, and that time his friend ran naked through his neighbor's garden on a dare in high school) he'll probably end up coming in his pants. He has to stop. He also has to focus. Zsasz doesn't have enough tallies on him to equal the people dead at Haven. Not only that, but none of the tallies are fresh enough to be from the bombing. So by logic, he doesn't have to continue this. 

But he could. 

But he doesn't. He tosses Zsasz his underwear and nods to the pile of clothing he'd put aside. 

"You can get dressed. You're good," Alvarez says, determined not to have his voice crack. 

"Sure," Zsasz says, rather agreeably. Alvarez waits until he's fully clothed again before telling the assassin to turn around so he can put him back in cuffs. While his back is turned to Alvarez, Zsasz says- 

"You know I didn't do it." 

Alvarez swallows and hopes it's not audible. "Yes." He moves to keep a hold on Zsasz's wrists. 

"I didn't blow up Haven," the hitman insists. Alvarez looks up. His face is blank, but his tone is clipped and short. Almost like he's trying to make sure it gets through to the detective.

"I know," Alvarez says, making a point to meet the other man's eyes as he says it. "I know you didn't." Zsasz says nothing for a moment, dark eyes taking in Alvarez's reaction. Seeing everything. Finally he nods, and lets Alvarez walk him out of the room. 

It is a shitshow when they walk out. Penguin is there, with more than a dozen burly, heavily armed men. 

"There will be a trial!" Penguin is announcing, and he can't be- but he _is_. Alvarez doesn't think Penguin even cares that much about who bombed Haven- what he wants is revenge for turning sides to join Sofia Falcone. 

Zsasz doesn't even tense. He's probably been in near-death situations before, but Alvarez can't help the little pit of worry that twists his stomach for the assassin. 

"Yeah!" a few of Penguin's men bellow. 

"And we will let the _people_ decide!" 

"Yeah!" they shout again. Alvarez pulls Zsasz into the shadows of the hallway, trying to keep him out of sight, just for a moment. But two of Penguin's guys have already spotted them. One grabs Alvarez's arm and pulls him away, breaking his grip on the assassin's wrists. He makes sure Alvarez won't do anything by shoving him aside just as the other goon grabs Zsasz's arm. Together they push him to the entrance, to Penguin. Zsasz passes Gordon, who's trying to reason with Penguin.

"Good to know who's _really_ in charge here, _Jim_ ," he says, tone alight with thinly veiled contempt. And with that, they walk him out of HQ and he's gone.

**Author's Note:**

> (btw: victor's "lucky you" waistband? another thing to thank owlettica for!)
> 
> BTW: this was originally supposed to have 3 chapters, i just can’t decide whether or not to continue it. (it was p much gonna involve victor casually popping into alvarez’s house just bc) so lemme know if you wanna see that!
> 
> did i have victor hum ariana grande? yes. what with his taste for disco he might be into pop, you never know! (i didn't explicitly say what song it was but come on, dangerous woman) 
> 
> i hope you liked this! this is my first victor fic and i don't think i did his character justice, but i hope it was good! (well, halfway through i decided to hit you in the face with some feels, ig, but don't hate me, i tried XD)
> 
> follow me on twitter where i yell about gotham/victor/all my other favorite characters: @cobblebird


End file.
